Thursday, June 07, 2012

#FridayFlash: The Ultimate Disclaimer

A parody… or is it?

Sideffectin® is not for everyone. If you or your next of kin have or could get an attorney, you should not take Sideffectin®. In clinical trials, Sideffectin® has been linked to rashes, boils, and shingles, as well as kidney, liver, and pancreatic problems. Fewer than two-thirds of patients taking Sideffectin® have reported vision and hearing loss. Sideffectin® has also been linked to a complete lack of morals in our marketing department.

Regular checkups are recommended while taking Sideffectin®. Your doctor, ophthalmologist, and otologist will monitor your continuing deterioration. Fewer than half those who take Sideffectin® may experience breathing and/or cardiovascular stoppage. These are symptoms of a serious condition called “death.” If you experience these symptoms, stop taking Sideffectin® and see a medical professional immediately.

Sideffectin® is helping to support the executive VPs new trophy wife, and our CEO is picking out his new yacht. So why wait? It’s time to open your horizons and your wallet! Ask your doctor if Sideffectin® is right for you! If you can’t afford your prescription, Big Pharma™ has an easy payment program to keep the government off our backs.

Sideffectin®. To Hell with Your Health, We Want Your Money!™

Sideffectin®, Big Pharma™, and the Sideffectin® slogan are trademarks or registered trademarks of Big Pharma.

22 comments:

  1. Doesn't all good parody contain an element of truth? ;) Nicely done.

    @leeannkhoh

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  2. and you know what? Sales will no doubt go shooting through the roof... My wife tells me that since publication of "50 Shades Of Grey" UK hardware shops are reporting significant increase in sales of materials for bondage... *sigh*

    marc nash

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  3. The side effects for my migraine medication include...migraines. Um, yeah.

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  4. I bet Pharma companies wish they could just stop beating arund the bush and put this in their leaflets!

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  5. Ha! Nice, and not far from the truth.

    We're selling you this because we're allowed to, and because you're stupid enough to buy it.

    Have you ever seen Thank You for Smoking? Basically about a lobbyist and spin doctor for 'big tobacco'. Similar theme. Very clever, funny and well-written.

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  6. Nice one. It always cracks me up when I see drug ads. The list of possible side effects sounds worse than the malady they're treating.

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  7. LOL I know every time I read one of those leaflets that come with prescriptions, I think wow should I be taking this? This was hilarious and rings so true, those drug companies know how to make money

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  8. I can see marketing schools requiring Sideffectin as a required supplemental substance. Ironic and full of humor.

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  9. Ha! Those death symptoms are the worst!

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  10. lol funny. they never say what it is good for!

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  11. Oh the joys of full disclosure.

    And as has been said, the possible side effects stated on many medicines include the very same illness you are trying to treat.

    I think it very unwise for them to advise the consumer to stop taking the drug if it causes death, I mean is there no way to make money out of the corpses?

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  12. The irony! Clever written. This is reading between the lines.
    Nice one Larry!

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  13. Thanks Lee-Ann, I think you're right!

    Marc, that's interesting. And a little icky. :-D

    Icy, that's kind of weird. My daughter takes migraine meds too. I'll have to look at her leaflet.

    Mazzz, they *almost* do!

    Thanks Cherie!

    JohnX, I haven't seen that one but have heard about it. Maybe I should see if Netflix has it.

    Tim, that's partly what "inspired" this piece!

    Helen, in the US the drug companies are opposed to universal healthcare because our combined purchasing power means the government could get huge discounts. They claim they need us to pay full price for research, but they spend 3x more on marketing!

    JohnW, your prescription is ready. ;-)

    Aidan, I think they already do!

    Jack, I agree — it must be hard to dial 911 when you're dead.

    Sonia, it's good for Big Pharma™'s bottom line!

    Steve, they probably own stock in funeral homes or their suppliers…

    Thanks, Cindy!

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  14. I admire the honesty here. And I want a trophy wife.

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  15. "If you or your next of kin have or could get an attorney, you should not take Sideffectin®."

    "Sideffectin® has also been linked to a complete lack of morals in our marketing department."

    Both of those sentences were responsible for symptoms of laughing out loud so much that reading was temporarily suspended. And that was only the first paragraph.

    Great job!

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  16. Hard-hitting, knuckle-crunching satire. Sadly, as always, the reality of the pharmaceutical companies is a lot more terrifying.
    Good short Larry..

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  17. Aren't you going to get into trouble with the Pharmalogical Company? I mean, you hardly changed any of their text! :D

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  18. Haha fewer than two thirds. Some drugs seem to cause more trouble than it's worth!

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  19. Ganymeder, I've acknowledged their trademarks so I'm covered. :-D

    Craig, ain't that the truth?

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  20. Fortunately, I don't this this is covered under my plan anyway. :) Nicely done, FAR!

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