tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954391.post6079777527559117850..comments2023-11-28T22:47:40.465-05:00Comments on Tales from FAR Manor: Writing Wibbles: Pick a Blurb!Larry Kollarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08317037795075278427noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954391.post-69886378354644680832012-06-27T02:52:14.391-04:002012-06-27T02:52:14.391-04:00I like this one, although maybe still needs a litt...I like this one, although maybe still needs a little tweaking. I think maybe your short punchy lines should be separate, and would it work better to have three? Although I'm thinking more about how they would appear on the back of a book rather than on Amazon...<br /><br /><i>Invaders across the river.<br /><br />A powerful spell hidden in a child's rhyme.<br /><br />An ice dragon awakened by an untrained boy.</i><br /><br />When Mik unwittingly dabbles in powerful magic, and lives to tell the tale, not even the Conclave of Sorcerers can predict what happens next.<br /><br />Accidental Sorcerers brings to life an unforgettable tale of love and loyalty in the world of Termag. Feel the magic!John Xerohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17492709629314280633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954391.post-45394009553165127152012-06-27T00:06:57.762-04:002012-06-27T00:06:57.762-04:00Thanks again for all your help—here's what I h...Thanks again for all your help—here's what I have now:<br /><br />Invaders just across the river. A powerful spell hidden in a child's rhyme. When an untrained boy awakens an ice dragon to protect his village, and lives to tell the tale, not even the Conclave of Sorcerers can predict what happens next.<br /><br /><i>Accidental Sorcerers</i> brings to life an unforgettable tale of love and loyalty in the world of Termag. Feel the magic!Larry Kollarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08317037795075278427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954391.post-57612389777219533672012-06-23T19:56:02.951-04:002012-06-23T19:56:02.951-04:00Thanks all! I'm glad to see a general consensu...Thanks all! I'm glad to see a general consensus toward #2. I'll take the fixes into account and have something up.<br /><br />As research, I went through the top-selling Fantasy titles in the Kindle Store to see what their blurbs looked like, and I think it helped. I also got an email from Amazon for "Best-selling Fantasy" ;-)Larry Kollarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08317037795075278427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954391.post-37200555991379415882012-06-20T20:51:53.323-04:002012-06-20T20:51:53.323-04:00I like number two. It's clean and simple and p...I like number two. It's clean and simple and powerful. Number one was a little complicated – too much information. But the last part of number two doesn't quite ring true... maybe this:<br /><br />Accidental Sorcerers stirs the deepest realm of imagination with magic, love and loyalty, reinventing fantasy with a story you may never forget.<br /><br />?????<br />Best of luck, Larry!!!!Cathy Olliffe-Websterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12729578896443750402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954391.post-35235159316378928592012-06-20T19:07:29.263-04:002012-06-20T19:07:29.263-04:00Obviously I'm distracted this week. Tried to p...Obviously I'm distracted this week. Tried to provide some constructive feedback, though.<br /><br />All three sound more like Middle Grade blurbs to me. All three say that magic exists and a boy gets a dragon. None of the three set up a clear conflict from the premise, and 1 and 3 present "unlikely hazards" as afterthoughts. Rather than picking one of these, I'd take whichever of the three intros you find most compelling and add on what the sorcerers actually do (or have done to them).<br /><br />Qualify the above with me not being a YA reader at all, so I don't know the audience's tastes for promo.John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954391.post-82960317699868797672012-06-20T18:11:36.425-04:002012-06-20T18:11:36.425-04:00OK, a few quick initial thoughts. I'll let the...OK, a few quick initial thoughts. I'll let the blurbs sink in and come back with something more solid tomorrow.<br /><br />Blurbs should be as concise as possible, you want to hit them with the exiting key points...<br />So I think<br />"When an untrained boy awakens an ice dragon to defend his village from an invasion"<br />Only needs to be<br />"When an untrained boy awakens an ice dragon to defend his village"<br />or if you want more I think<br />"When an untrained boy awakens an ice dragon to defend his village from invaders" (or raiders)<br />is more immediate. 'an invasion' feels kind of large and impersonal.<br /><br />I also think the really positive ending (of all 3) kind of takes some of the punch out of it. You're saying 'love triumphs!' but I think 'will love triumph?' is more of a hook. I mean, we're pretty sure we know love will triumph, but you're just telling us how it ends right there in the blurb.<br /><br />So from the first one,<br />"But Mik, Sura, and Bailar find themselves facing unlikely hazards—and learn that the bonds of loyalty and love are stronger than any foe."<br />Maybe something like<br />"But when Mik, Sura, and Bailar find themselves facing unlikely hazards, will the bonds of loyalty and love be strong enough to carry them through?"<br /><br />(also, 'unlikely hazards' could probably be more powerful... 'sudden dangers', 'uncommon danger', something like that maybe?)<br /><br />I think, overall, I like the snappiness of number two best. Sorry to throw a quick comment and run, but gotta sort my cake out!<br /><br />Hope those are helpful comments, will try and pop back tomorrow to have another look! =)John Xerohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17492709629314280633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12954391.post-55968556864753529692012-06-20T18:02:54.196-04:002012-06-20T18:02:54.196-04:00It's number 2 for me. I like the "When a ...It's number 2 for me. I like the "When a boy..." sentence, too, both in itself and as a logline.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com