Friday, April 22, 2011

#FridayFlash: We Danced

I know this kind of story has been done… dare I say, done to death? But I liked it anyway. It’s pretty short — less than 300 words — but a story is the length it is.



We Danced

We embraced in the moonlight that night, dancing to the sappy love songs playing on her car radio. I desired her then and now as no man ever could, but it would have been wrong to take her then. I swore I would return for her when the time was right, and I always keep my promises.

Agony — what to wear? I chose to go modern: vest, shirt, jeans, all stylishly black, fleeing further indecision.

And now I stand before her, the smile I remember coming to her face. “You came.”

“I always keep my promises.”

She laughs. “This is one promise you could never break!”

“True.” I grin. So many have tried to flee from my smile, but she returns it. “Has it gone well with you?”

“Very. There was a time I wished you might never come, and yet I was always thankful that you rescued me that night.”

“I missed you. And yet, I always knew we would be together.” I feel shy of a sudden. “Then… shall we dance again?”

She laughed, arose, and took my hand. At once, we were there — the place where I fell in love so long ago. A lonely clearing stood at the end of a winding dirt road, much like it had been then. The music began anew, and we embraced. In my memory, I saw her as she was that night, clinging to me in the moonlight, throwing aside her father’s pistol — embracing life even as she embraced Death.

16 comments:

  1. That was LOVELY. Romantic without being overly sweet, sensitive and beautiful... all the wonderful words! I read it twice and enjoyed it even more the second time.

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  2. I really like this one, FAR. I like it when endings force you as a reader to go back and see what you overlooked the first time through.

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  3. Flash fiction is up to 1,000 words - there's no minimum! I guess stories of about 100-200 words are microfiction, but even that is impressive and fun in its own way. Exploring what you can do in the low end of the spectrum like in three hundred words is fun. We both dig Danni's fiction, right? And I dug this, kind of sweet and then kind of sour at the close.

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  4. No story feels overdone if the story is written well. This is well written for sure.

    Good job.

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  5. Bittersweet but very candid and honest. Artfully done, mate. I know we don't have a story for the mysterious man but I cant' help writing some in my head.

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  6. Like life, love usually finds a way.

    Deep and emotive writing.

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  7. Oh, I loved this, FAR. I knew one of them wasn't human but wasn't sure which from the beginning. Awesome ending!

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  8. Very nice, FAR! It's lovely and surprising in a very positive way. You don't explain too much, which I like, and there are no loose ends. Well trimmed up story. :)

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  9. Well done Far! Yep, I had to go back and read it again for what I missed.

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  10. Great closing line. I like the images and the way this mixes with dancing.

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  11. Hey all! Didn't get home until just a few minutes ago. Long story, even longer when I tell it…

    Cathy, Chuck, Boran, I'm glad it was worth reading again — and short enough to not be a drag!

    JohnW, I usually don't set out to write a specific length, except I try to stick to the 1000-word limit for flash. Like I said, the story took as many words as it took. And yes, I do dig Danni's flash too!

    Hi Michael — thanks and welcome to the free-range insane asylum!

    Monica, thanks much… and I'll bet you could even find a funny side to Death!

    Thanks Steve. Hey, do you have a blog for me to link to in the Wednesday Wibble?

    PJ, if I'd not written it I'd have thought he was a love-struck vampire. Thanks much!

    Mari, hooray! I like not leaving loose ends.

    Aiden, I began this with two words in mind: "we danced." I'm not sure how the Reaper got involved, but he gave me a little prod with the butt-end of his scythe and away I went! :-D

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  12. Beautifully romantic, and yet such a depth of feeling.
    I too re read this piece just to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Very well written.

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  13. Hi again FAR, no sorry but I can't help you with the Wednesday Wibble, I'm afraid I don't know anything about it, the only writing I participate in is #fridayflash, I think if you ask about a bit though there must be someone on these pages who can set you in the right direction. Good luck. Steve.

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  14. I love the different ways that people perceive Death, but the figure is often depicted with such compassion. Wonderful work.

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  15. Like Cathy, I read this story twice and enjoyed it even more the second time around. Nicely done, sir.

    And thanks to you and John for digging my flash. I'm on the opposite end where I have a hard time writing a story longer than 300 words. :)

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