Friday, May 18, 2012

#FridayFlash: Roadkill

No, Mason didn’t do this. Mom says I did it when I was a toddler, and tied up traffic on a busy highway. A heap of something white in the road this afternoon gave me the idea for this.



Roadkill

Matt stumped up the road. One hand clutched the blanket over his shoulder, the other he had in his mouth. Behind him, Mommy napped in front of the TV and its endless reruns of PBS Kids, exhausted by one too many 3 a.m. diaper and sippy cup calls. Before him? His toddler mind could not grasp the word adventure, but understood the concept.

“Go home, Matt,” said his angel, swooping in front of him. “Lay down next to Mommy and take a nice nap.”

He grunted a negation, not wanting to move his slobbery fist, and kept walking. A whispering, rushing, humming sound slithered up the hill behind him.

“Matt! Over here!” The angel flew off to the side of the road, hovering over the ditch. He’d take a tumble, but the ground was soft and it was safer than what was coming. Matt shook his head and veered away, farther into the road. The noise grew louder.

A rustle of leaves. Beyond the ditch, a squirrel stood, acorn in its paws. “Matt! Look, Matt! Kitty!” Angels are not allowed to lie — but to Matt, all little animals were kitty. Speaking Toddler is allowed.

“Kitty!” Matt grinned and turned off the road, falling into the ditch as the angel backed up to observe and the speeding car topped the hill—

Matt’s wail snapped Mommy awake in an instant. In a panic, she slammed the screen door open and pelted up the road, finding Matt trying to climb out of the muddy ditch. “Matt!” she snatched him up. “What are you doing out here? Look at you—you’re all muddy! You’re getting a bath, then you’re going into your crib until you have a nap, and I don’t care how much you cry about it—”

Something in the road caught Mommy’s eye: a small crumpled white thing. A wing poked up from the heap. “You’d think the chicken trucks would do a better job keeping them in the cages,” she muttered. She turned and took her son home.

28 comments:

  1. The chicken truck hypothesis was a cute way to tie up the evil angels. Did you really cry about baths as a baby?

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  2. Oh nooo not the angel please don't tell me it was the angel >_< Such a sweet cute story, with a horrible end! ^__^ Nice twist has me laughing.

    I thought all toddlers loved bath time! You really didn't? Or was it the going into the crib bit that made you cry ;)

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  3. Ah, man, I'm so torn. I love it, it's sweet and funny but you... you... you killed the angel. O_O

    So sad. v_v

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  4. This story really jolted the mommmy in me. Worst nightmare. A really good story though, but that poor angel. :(

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  5. Morning all!

    JohnW, Helen, toddlers like baths, they don't like naps. I think the angel probably considered being mistaken for a chicken to be worse than getting whacked though!

    JohnX, nah, angels are immortal. She's just hiding out until nobody's looking to grab her clothes off the road. :-P

    Laurita, I don't remember, but I was said to have done that. Who knows how many angel corpses were strewn along M-89 that day?

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  6. This is hilarious! I love the toddler logic, and how the angel's sharp use of "Kitty!" saves the day.

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  7. Glad the little guy made it alive. I don't think we can say the same about the angel, though. Heh.

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  8. Poor little angel. At least they taste like chicken.

    Good fun in this one, Larry.

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  9. I love the angel saying, "Matt! Look, Matt! Kitty!" to a squirrel. That was awesome.

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  10. I really liked the line about talking toddler. I have to say I read it as the angel having a narrow miss, not necessarily a death. I like how you squeezed all of this into a nice tight story.

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  11. LOL Wonderful story! Scary moment for Mom!

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  12. Hi all!

    Glad you liked it, Katherine!

    Cherie, nobody ever said it was easy being a guardian angel…

    Tony, I'm not sure even chicken tastes like chicken on a road pizza!

    Hi Michael, long time no type! Glad to hear it worked!

    Aidan, I kind of think (as I mentioned above) that angels are immortal and she just lost her clothes. ;-)

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  13. Well, maybe a bell will ring and he will get a NEW set of wings! Oddly sweet story. :)

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  14. Hey!

    Sonia, I think we simul-posted or something — glad you enjoyed it!

    Ganymeder, the ding-a-ling who hit the angel should qualify, no? ;-)

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  15. Phew! That was quick thinking on the Guardian Angel's part - and I love that it wasn't a lie, but 'toddler speak' which was allowed. I hope the chicken wing roadkill look isn't permanent for the angel, but just a disguise until Mom's taken Matt home. Terrific story - I really enjoyed this a lot!

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  16. I love the angel excusing him/herself for lying..and then getting whacked! I won't be able to look at roadkill the same way again..Lovely short Larry.. You have a very imaginative mind and a great way with words to boot!

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  17. very nice last para resolution, but I'm wondering if there's an angel whispering in the tot's ear, is there yet a devil chattering down the other one? :-)

    marc nash

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  18. A story about a toddler walking on a busy road is just NOT gonna have a happy ending is it? :)
    Funny though, I don't think Ive ever heard of an angel getting killed on a road before.

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  19. I love the line, "Speaking Toddler is allowed."

    I enjoyed the whole white-knuckle journey.

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  20. The poor angel. Every time a bell rings an angel gets wings but when a car horn sounds something far less desirable happens. Nicely done, Larry/Far.

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  21. Morning!

    W.J., they're dedicated to a tough job!

    Hi Kath, welcome to the free-range insane asylum! I think the angel's in for a lot of ribbing, but otherwise OK…

    Thanks, Tom!

    Marc, it could well be! Or maybe toddlers are just possessed?

    Steve, I did it and look how I turned out! Um… wait…

    Thanks, Tim!

    Boran, maybe it's: "every time a car horn blasts, an angel gets knocked on his @$$"?

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  22. I actually found that a little sad - does that say something about me?

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  23. I can totally relate to this. My brother and I often got in trouble for going out on unauthorised "missions" as children!

    I love the speeding vehicle > white thing > chicken truck link the mother makes. I think chicken trucks are as much a myth as Angels: not sure I've ever seen one!

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  24. Ooo such a cute story! Glad the angel saved the day!

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  25. Full of emotion, this one. Nicely captured!

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  26. Hi all!

    Icy, I think it says you have a big heart, caring about the angel getting clobbered or the kid exhausting his mom to the point she can't watch him.

    Jack, I'll send you a picture. ;-)

    Thanks Loni!

    Daniel, having been through raising a couple kids, and now a grandkid, I do know how emotional it can be! :-D

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  27. That's sweet. I like how it makes a kinda sense.

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