Friday, June 29, 2012

#FridayFlash: Miss Siles

There’s been a spate of posts lately, criticizing how women are drawn in comic books. I join the dog-pile…

Our newscaster was featured earlier in Captain Heroic’s Last Hurrah, if you were wondering.



“Time for Channel 14 News, Skyscraper City’s finest and fastest news source! I’m Rudy Bass. Tonight, we lead off with breaking news at City Hall. We go now to Channel 14 On the Scene with Montana Rack. Montana?”

Cut to: exterior, City Hall steps. Montana Rack, mike in hand. “Thanks, Rudy. A new superhero has come to Skyscraper City! This ViewerCam-14 footage was just sent in by high school student Philip Wright, who happened to be on the scene at Fountain of Progress Square.”

Cut to: wild tilt and pan, a cellphone camera moved too quickly. Sounds: police whistles, running feet, growing babble. Montana voiceover: “Watch what happens.” A woman in spandex, with an impossibly large chest, moves across the scene. The camera follows her.

A man runs onto the scene, carrying a purse, looking over his shoulder. The woman jumps and spins, striking him in the head with her chest. The fleeing man flies backwards, landing on his back. He does not move. Youthful voice, presumably Philip Wright: “Holy bleeeeep! That’s gonna leave a mark!” View goes wild again, approaching the fallen man.

Cut to: Montana. “Thank you, Philip, for sending that in. We’ll be sending him a ViewerCam-14 tee-shirt and matching cap. And now, with another Channel 14 exclusive, we’re here with the heroine of the day: Miss Siles!” Camera zooms out to show Miss Siles next to Montana. She wears a tight blue spandex outfit. Logo: two rockets in flight. “Miss Siles, is it true that you have just registered as Skyscraper City’s newest superhero?”

“That’s right, Montana. I’m here to fight for truth and justice!” Camera slowly zooms in on Miss Siles, then tilts down. “Criminals beware, because you just might be the next one to get: busted!” Chest sways threateningly. Camera zooms out quickly. Montana gives camera an annoyed look, then puts on her smile. “What else can you say? This is Montana Rack, Channel 14 on the Scene. Rudy?”


Montana nods, then removes her earpiece. She glares again at the cameraman. “Kyle, that was so unprofessional. I thought you were gay!”

“Sorry,” Kyle mumbles, and carries his camera to the van.

“It’s not his fault,” says Miss Siles. “Just one of my superpowers.”

Montana laughs. “How do you do it? I’m a big girl, nothing like you of course, but I get backaches all the time. Where do you get your bras?”

“I don’t need one. That’s another one of my superpowers.”

Montana grins. “I hate you.”

“I hate you, too. You’re dating Captain Heroic, right?” They laugh together.

“What other superpowers do you have?” Montana asks.

“The Pose.” Miss Siles thrusts her chest forward, her hips back, and twists. Kyle sits down, hard. “I could have stopped that purse-snatcher in his tracks with that one, but he was looking back. I had to take more direct action.”

“Wow. This is off the record, of course: do you have a secret identity?”

Miss Siles laughs. “Are you kidding? Honey, there ain’t no concealing these weapons!” They laugh together again. “I’ve been offered some serious money to do porn, though.”

“You and me both,” says Montana. “Here’s my card. Call me any time, if you have something newsworthy to say. Or if you just want to chat. We can have coffee or something.”

20 comments:

  1. Miss Siles LOL I guess she shoots to kill ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha! Thanks for the Saturday morning smiles Larry.

    I can see men turning to a life of crime just in the hope of getting "Busted" by Miss Siles. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a great send-up of a cheesy stereotype! Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ha! Nice one Larry, had me giggling at 2:47 AM
    I think Miss Siles is one superwoman villains will remember!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Her (C) cups runneth over. Well done, Larry!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm *so* glad the ladies saw what I was going for here!

    Glad you liked it, Julie!

    Yes, Sonia, Miss Siles is a multi-talented woman…

    Helen, whatever they strike they destroy!

    Glad you enjoyed it, Steve. But anyone trying to get "busted" would just get The Pose and be incapacitated. Good thing she didn't do the Nutcracker on that guy.

    Thanks, Sonya!

    Cindy, aren't late-night giggles the best kind?

    Boran, I think she's like a 140 FFF. Good thing her superpowers support it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ha! This is great fun, Larry. I really like the opening and how you've structured it almost like a TV script... Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This had me laughing the whole way through. And it may be the lack of sleep, but it took me a while to catch Miss Siles :P. "Chest sways threateningly." Was about my favourite line. Also liked the conversational tone between the two and the casual ending. It just shows you can have a good superhero story without an explosive ending.

    ReplyDelete
  9. That was hilarious!!! Loved the word play! Busted :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. Brilliant! As soon as I read this, I went looking for and then re-read one of the first posts I read on the topic: http://justsayins.tumblr.com/post/14957660366/this-needs-to-stop-and-let-me-tell-you-why

    I loved all of this, but the interview part especially.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ha ha! Excellent job with the word plays throughout.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I really enjoyed this. You know I'm a fan of puns, word play, and double entendre. Although this may be the first time I felt that "double entendre" itself might be a double entendre.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I bet she also has lovely 'assets' to go with the missiles.
    So very funny.
    Adam B @revhappiness

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi all!

    Thanks, Jack. I have an idea for another On the Georgia Road segment, and those are structured like this, but this idea kind of bounced in and kept… um, distracting me.

    Thanks, Craig! I think Montana's looking forward to people staring at someone else when they go out. ;-)

    Glad you enjoyed it, Sylvia! I did have fun writing this (and composing it in my head on my morning commute).

    I'd missed that one, Katherine — thanks for adding the link. That twist the blogger does is nothing short of amazing…

    Thanks, Chuck!

    LOL, Tim… good one!

    Adam, it goes without saying… or does it? :-D

    ReplyDelete
  15. Agh, I just knew from the title what powers she'd have. They do render many people defenseless, though. Can't fight it, even during a fight scene.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is just too funny. Very nicely done, Sir

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yeah, it always bugged me that the physics of a large chest never seemed to weigh down any of the female superheroes.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hilarious! Sounds like Kyle's not gay after all. Where can I get a Miss Siles t-shirt?

    ReplyDelete

Comments are welcome, and they don't have to be complimentary. I delete spam on sight, but that's pretty much it for moderation. Long off-topic rants or unconstructive flamage are also candidates for deletion but I haven’t seen any of that so far.

I have comment moderation on for posts over a week old, but that’s so I’ll see them.

Include your Twitter handle if you want a shout-out.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...