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Monday, January 11, 2016

Our Newest Inmate [UPDATEx2]

I have been sort of quiet about this, but the wife… well…

Already sleeping (and snoring) in my sling
I’m joking. This is Charles, the offspring of Cousin Splat and his wife (let’s call her Badger Boobs, for the pawprint tats that show up when she wears something low-cut). The tale of his arrival at FAR Manor is definitely an exercise in the weirdness that reigns in the free-range insane asylum.

So. Charles was born Friday. BB (not to be confused with DD, as the latter would hurt you for that) is not exactly the most stable isotope on the periodic table. As Cousin Splat is Big V’s offspring, I guess he was comfortable with that. One problem with BB is that there was some question about whether the baby was Cousin Splat’s… but one look at him dispelled all doubts. The other problem is BB is on probation for drug issues, and may not have exactly stayed squeaky-clean during her pregnancy. So there was a test.

Now here’s where stories diverge. BB claims the only stuff they found in her system were what they gave her at the hospital. Other claims were that the baby tested positive for meth, and yet another that his bloodwork was “fine.” Howe’er it was, DFACS asked Cousin Splat if he had any relatives who could provide a “safe house” for the kid. He gave them the wife’s name. They called Saturday, paid a visit Sunday, and Charles came home with the wife from the hospital today. [UPDATE #2: The pediatrician says they found amphetamines in his system, not meth. Bad enough, but not horrid.]

You can’t hear it, but he’s snoring in my sling right now. BB thinks the sling is an awesome idea. I like it too, because I can have both hands free to type.

According to the agreement, he could be here “up to 45 days,” although the case workers said that could run a lot longer. I expect an immediate return to the old 3am feeding/diaper change runs.

UPDATE: I forgot the funniest part of the story. We spent much of the weekend preparing for the new arrival, which included digging out a bunch of stuff from when Mason was a baby. Hearing the noise in the living room, he went to see Daughter Dearest and Fizzle setting up the Pack&Play. “I know what that is,” he said, and came back to me. “I’m gonna have to cover my ears. Aunt DD’s gonna have a baby.” Of course, I explained the situation to him, and he was fine with that. He can’t wait for Charles to get old enough to play with.


  1. Sounds like Charles is lucky to have you -- and that you're lucky Mason's not so old that 3am feedings are not that far off in the past. Take care!

  2. HAHA I think it's insane we both have newborns now ;) the twins haven't had much babywearing time but that will change when daddy goes back to work at the end of the month ^^

  3. That sling is cute and so is the new baby.

  4. Just reading about the stuff in your life exhausts me. Hang in there!!

  5. Katherine, I had to (quickly) re-learn the fine art of changing a squirming (kicking and crying) baby's diaper.

    Angela, we ought to flip our Gchat over to a hangout some evening. Let the babies have a look at each other. :-D

    Thanks, Patricia! I got that sling when Mason was about 7 months old. I'd been planning to pass it on to someone else, since I haven't needed it in a long time, but now I need it again.

    Maria, at least it's blog-fodder!

    Thanks, Helen. I don't know how long we'll have him, but it might be 18 years. :-P

  6. God bless ya Farf, you and the Mrs. deserve a seat at the right hand of God for all you do and put up with.

  7. He is a lucky boy to have you! Thought they'll be quite some time into the future, I'm looking forward to the stories of Mason and Charles's adventures.

  8. Wooly, if I recall, you have a much more difficult care-give-ee to deal with…

    Cindy, I will definitely get pics—although they might find their own adventures!


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