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Saturday, May 14, 2011

#FridayFlash: Turn Back

Thanks to a major Blogger outage — first one in years — I wasn’t able to post this here yesterday. Hope it’s worth the wait!

Turn Back

They lay together in the brush and tall grass, oblivious to the bright moon above. Wrapped around each other, they gasped their joy and moaned their frustrated fully-clothed passion, minute after eye-rolling minute.

At last, they came up for air — or one of them did, the other needed no air — and cuddled together, her head on his collarbone. “I wish we could be together like this forever,” she whispered.  “You could make it happen — right now.” She twisted her head around, offering him her neck.

“Yeah,” the boy under her said. He seemed to glimmer — or perhaps sparkle — in the moonlight. “And we’d be like this forever, too. I’ve been in tenth grade for the last ninety years. It sucks. You don’t want to live like this forever — trust me. I don’t.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad, if you were with me,” she insisted. “The way it is, I’ll get real old — like thirty! — and you won’t be any different. I can’t make you mortal… but you can make me immortal!” She squirmed up his body, bringing her neck closer to his mouth.

“Actually… you can make me mortal,” he said, making her gasp and sit up. “I’ve been researching, when Father wasn’t looking. I couldn’t bite you because it needs someone who’s never been bitten.”

“Ewwwww,” she said after he told her what she needed to do. “That’s gross!”

“I know,” he said, “but will you do it for me? Please?”

• • •

A trip to Taco Bell got her an extra-large Diet Coke, and she drank it and most of a refill. They hurried back to their make-out spot, her moaning her discomfort, still clutching the big plastic cup. “You ready?” he asked her.

“I’m about to pop like a balloon,” she grumbled. “A water balloon.”

He laughed. “Okay. Just go behind that bush.” She complied, and he undressed as she did what she had to.

She gasped at his naked figure and nearly dropped the cup, sloshing a little of it out. “Ewwww! I almost filled it up! And it’s warm!” She shook her hand. “Are you sure you want me to do this?” He nodded, but she just stood there for a minute, taking him in.

“Remember to do it slow. It has to get all over me. You want me to turn around? It might be easier for you.” He was responding to her scrutiny.


He turned, and she approached, looking at his tight butt and imagining her clutching it as he lay on top of her… “This is so gross,” she whispered, and slowly poured the contents of her cup over her boyfriend, muttering “Eww, eww, eww,” under her breath.

He gasped and gritted his teeth against the wrenching feeling as the warm urine ran down his body. He slammed his chest with a wet smack, and took huge whooping breaths. He twisted around, trying to make sure the stream wetted every part of him, until he stood barefoot in a puddle of wet glitter.

“Did it work?” she asked.

“Yeah. I’m breathing! My heart is beating! I’m not a vampire anymore! Let’s get me a hamburger, or spaghetti, or something — I can’t wait to eat real food again!”

“Ewwww, wait! You’re all wet — and you smell like — you know!”

He stopped. “Oh. We should have gotten some water too.”

She growled and flounced back to the Taco Bell, alone.

• • •

“Marin! Do you know what Weldon has done?”

Marin nodded. “He is but a boy again.”

His wife swelled with indignation. “And this does not concern you? What is he going to do?”

“Grow up, I hope!” Marin snapped. “Great Lestat, Sanda, I am so sick of his eternal teenage hormones! Had I heard his incessant whining much longer, I’d have driven a stake in him myself! Why do you think I left out the books he needed to learn how to turn back?”

Sanda gasped, and Marin went on a little quieter. “Look. He’s a boy. He’s been a boy all these many years. Let him become a man. He can get over this… this obsession with the girl. Or he can marry her for all I care. When he’s become a man, we can turn him again.”


  1. Interesting twist, FAR! You had me cringing at parts of this, though. Well done!

  2. Well, how brilliant is THAT? Makes sense though - if it's blood that transforms a person into a vampire... why not another bodily fluid to turn him back? If pee does this... oh, forget it....
    Loved the story, FAR!!!

  3. What considerate schemers. The "ew" running gag got me to smile, too.

  4. Hey ho!

    Chuck, thanks for copying your comment over and for the kind words. You were cringing reading it — imagine how I felt waking up with this in my head!

    Cathy, that was my thought too… one fluid turns you, one turns you back. I'm just glad he didn't have to drink it.

    John, she said that a lot… so did I when writing it. :-D

  5. Okay, you win the prize for the coolest twist on Vampires ... ever. If only they'd include the piss-smothering scene in the next Twilight movie.

  6. He hee FARfetched, you had me saying eww with her. Great twist - now all his vamp parents have to do is wait! LOL


  7. Eew, eew, eew, indeed. *>_<*

    Anything to wash out the sparkle has to be a good thing though, right?

    I'm not sure you need the final paragraph as the twist has already landed, but a great build of twist after twist through the whole piece.

    Really liked this one (even if it did make me cringe...) ;)

  8. This was the best story involving urine that I've read...

    If it wasn't written so well I would have probably stopped reading, but I wanted to know how it would work.

    Well done.

  9. Ewww grim - but compelling. Great gag too - like this

  10. Hi all! Been away from the computer all day, nice to come back & see lots of comments.

    Jason, thanks a lot! I might go see one of the movies if they did. It wouldn't be difficult to make a 2-3 minute movie out of this though.

    Helen, I said "eww" a few times while writing it too!

    JohnX, I see what you mean, but left the para in just because it does a better job of closing the piece. I should look at the ending again though.

    Michael, there aren't too many of those kind of stories, huh? Like a train wreck, it's just too ugly to turn away. :-D

    Thanks much, Brainhaze, and welcome to the free-range insane asylum!

  11. Ha, that's funny. Lovely dig at a certain glittery undead person :)
    Adam B @revhappiness


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