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Thursday, December 23, 2010

Hell Hath No Fury…

Even in the alternate universe of Weirditude that is FAR Manor, there are physical laws and constants. One of them is anyone who undertakes to help Big V, long term, will come to regret it in about two weeks. That’s about as long as it took The Boy this time — yes, he’s been here before. So Spring #1 comes in with a BANG.

I think it might have been because Snippet wore out her welcome at FAR Manor some time ago, but they were spending most nights at Big V’s place — taking care of her grandkid Skyler (Cousin Splat and his wife make Snippet look almost like a halfway involved parent), driving her to doctor appointments and so forth. Actually, from what I heard, it was The Boy taking care of Skyler… like when she’s here, Snippet can’t get much motivation to deal with a baby, hers or otherwise.

Because of Big V’s lackadaisical credit history, she doesn’t keep much money in the bank — they have no problem using her deposits to make her payments for her. And somehow, she had something north of $1000 cash in her purse where it was safe… from bankers, at least. And that cash turned up missing some time on Saturday, while The Boy was at probation-mandated classes of one sort or another much of the day and Snippet was there at Big V’s at least much of the morning. The more Big V thought about it, the more convinced she became that Snippet was the culprit.

Now it must be said that Snippet isn’t exactly famous for her respect for other people’s property. Daughter Dearest found a ring that belongs to her (actually, M.A.E. gave it to her) down at Big V’s, among Snippet’s stuff while looking for something else (the money). So Big V has been calling the house, wanting us to get involved with Snippet while doing all the other things she thinks we should just be happy to do for her.

I made the mistake of trying to work at home the last couple of days, and with the phone ringing every few minutes, I found myself getting rather annoyed at the constant interruptions. This morning, I announced “I’m not answering the phones today,” and removed them from the bedroom. That didn’t stop the noise, of course… especially when The Boy started screaming upstairs, then came storming down into the bedroom.

“You need to talk to this $#@%!” he yelled, thrusting the phone at me.

“I don’t have anything to say to her.”

“You need to talk to her!”

Seeing as I wasn’t going to get any work done with him waving the phone and yelling at me, I finally took it and listened to Big V imply that she was going to hang The Boy right along with Snippet. I asked her what evidence she had, she told me, and it was all circumstantial at best — especially when Snippet is an expert at the poor-pitiful-me act, and has a face and figure that would get her the sympathy of any male jurors right off the bat. Big V started the sob story — I’m pretty sure she was trying to panic, guilt, or pity me into giving her the money to buy The Boy another day, but I don’t have any either — and I told her the sob story thing wasn’t going to help and she just had to do whatever she felt was best. I also told her I was trying to work, and got her off the phone.

And… I had an audience. I took the opportunity to announce that I was packing up, taking Mason, and moving out. “I’ll come with you!” M.A.E. offered. Um… no. Daughter Dearest, who was already upset by the crap, called Mrs. Fetched to tell her I was leaving and she had to come right home NOW. While she was on the way, I called The Boy into the bedroom.

“If Snippet took that money, you need to scrape her off,” I said. “You don’t need that crap right now.”

“She didn’t take it!”

“I said if. I’m not saying she did take it, but if she did you need to get her out of your life. Pronto. That’s all I have to say about it.” And to be honest, I’m not 100% convinced myself that she took it. There were other people running loose in Big V’s house, and I liken Snippet to a crow. She’ll snatch something sparkly if the opportunity presents itself — but we’ve had money in various quantities laying around here and there and it’s never disappeared without turning up (often after Mrs. Fetched tells me Snippet probably took it). On the other hand, given her recent behavior I’m not exactly motivated to step up and defend her.

Oh… and here’s a good one. Big V was trying to get a loan (a big fat “yeah right” given her history); The Boy and Snippet took her up to a place they’ve used in the past. While they were there, they decided to get a loan to pay their phone bill (um… what part of “recurring charge” are you missing here?), and got $500. As it turned out, they used my car for collateral. Without asking me.

Now… it’s personal. I think what I’ll do is contact the loan office, explain the situation, and remind them that they have lots of ugly lawyers to do their bidding. If Snippet ends up in jail, for that or for snatching Big V’s wad-o'-cash, I won’t shed a tear.


  1. Your woes with Snippet make being called an "effing B!&ch" to my face by my (pregnant at the time) adult daughter look like a compliment ;).

    The Boy ought "scrape her off" anyway. It might provide some stability to his life.

    But if he won't ... take Mason and run ... run and hide!

    Only problem is, Snippet could have another ... and another ... and .... And they will all need the stabilizing factor of their grandpapa :).

  2. If this were "Deadwood", you'd have the option of feeding her to Mr. Wu's pigs and raising the little boy without her malign presence. When I read your stuff, with your talent for fiction, I sometimes think you're actually just a "nome de plume" for Jim Kunstler and he's writing all this just to bolster his dark view of the Southeast...

    Having lived and worked in the South for a long time, I long ago concluded that the worst ghetto elements are heads and shoulders above Scots-Irish white trash...

    It sounds like your son and his snippet could be equally guilty at stealing the money from your "Big V". A common self exculpating rational among the young is that the victim of economic "date rape" crimes like that "had it coming" and would have done the same to them with alacrity, given the chance.

    Are you really sure you're not some guy living in Menlo Park writing this stuff for fun and getting all those pix from "people of Walmart" ??

  3. Hey all!

    Wendy, I definitely agree The Boy should get rid of Snippet. But I don't worry about Mason being influenced, he already doesn't like her and doesn't have a problem letting it be known. Continued reproduction is a definite worry; she already miscarried a couple months ago.

    Erik, I don't know James Kunstler, although I know who he is, and I am no James Kunstler. :) But I do appreciate the compliment. Having Snippet whacked isn't really an option, then I'd be worse than her & I don't want that.

    It's remotely possible that The Boy was involved in the lift, but it's more likely he wasn't aware of it until it was too late to do anything about it. Now if he turned her in, that would be a Happy Day — but from past behavior, it's more likely he'll go "noble" and take the fall for Snippet. Which would suck, and seriously tempt me to take the Mr. Wu's pigs route…

  4. Just remember, Mr Wu's pigs are always hungry, and bacon is tasty.

    Far, I'm speechless after reading this one. You're certainly making the South sound a lot more "interesting" than I had thought it might be. Then again, the absence of relatives there could be a real plus.

    Back to the sewing machines! Merry Xmas to all! :)

  5. Erik, I can vouch that Far is neither Jim Kunstler nor a resident of Menlo Park.

  6. I may never eat bacon again. Not that I eat it more than once a month anyway. *snort* But like the tagline at the top of the blog says, "Weird fiction. Even weirder reality."

    Nudge, Big V is Mrs. Fetched's younger sister. She learned a long time ago how to manipulate the rest of the family… I think there was a childhood incident where she was hiding under a pickup truck (not white) and her dad ran her hair (!) over. Being the loop-de-loop in a generally loopy family doesn't hurt either.

  7. Reality is often stranger that science fiction .. stuff like this is proof of it.

    I'm always jarred because there's an occasional poster on the HBB who goes by the name "Big V" and is an older woman posting from somewhere in Georgia. From what you said, though, she's not likely to be the same one.

    Made another fleece turtleneck and lycra turtleneck to go with - hoping to wear them both tomorrow for a little trail ride.

  8. OK, I'm de-lurking, with apologies for lurking without comment. The professional buttons are pushed by this day's entry. I enjoy reading the fiction from time to time - and admiring your forbearance with the younger generation and more.

    I hope you have established some legal rights to littlestFetched; I am worried for you and Mrs. Fetched et al Fetched. Mason does need continuity that you provide. May no one decide to remove him to get back at you (for being so accommodating, among other things).

  9. Hey Kidspeak, you're forgiven because I can now properly welcome you to the free-range insane asylum!

    Mrs. Fetched has guardianship of Mason, so he's definitely covered in that regard. They've threatened to move out and take him, but they're not aware that Mrs. Fetched actually has the legal right (and obligation) to keep him here if it's in his best interest.

    Here's hoping you stay de-lurked…


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