Poltergeist Pranks
I loved how the apartment smelled on Saturday afternoons: Jean all sweaty from helping the physical therapist in the morning, the lunch we fixed, the musk of lovemaking for dessert. I was getting used to how she’d nap afterwards, sprawled naked on her back, taking up most of the bed. We’d catch up on our homework later on, maybe meet some friends this evening, more love later. The sweet life for a couple of college students.
I slid out of bed, making sure she was covered, and padded to the bathroom. It was October, still nice out, and the window was open about six inches. I slid the condom into the trash then stood at the toilet.
Maybe I should mention the poltergeist. That’s why this apartment is so cheap: it’s haunted.
To say I missed the bowl would be an understatement. About three inches from the porcelain, the stream took a right angle turn and went out the window. I had time to say, “Oh great,” before the shouting and cursing began. I finished and took a peek through the blinds: frat rats. Five or six of them.
“Dammit,” I whispered. “Now they’re gonna pound on the door and wake up Jean.” The only reply was a brief chill and a hollow sound that could have been a snicker. My poltergeist had an odd sense of humor, and didn’t like frat rats. Seeing as a hazing gone wrong ended its living phase, I could understand that. Since I also like weird humor, we reached an accommodation early on. It and Jean are okay too, one more reason why I love her.
I had just enough time to throw some clothes on before the pounding started. Jean slept on, to my surprise. It must have been really good for her. Muffled voices joined the pounding: “Open the damn door or we’ll break it down!” “You think you’re smart?” “Get out here!” “Hey, this is the apartment where —”
With a sigh, I opened the door. “What?”
The dampened frat rats froze for a moment, then screamed and ran for the stairs. Behind me, I heard a familiar sound: Jean laughing. I turned to find her in my robe, doubled over, and grinned. Her humor was infectious. “What’s so funny?”
“Oh God, Mike, you should have seen yourself just now! Eight feet tall, green, and you were holding an axe over your head! I wish I could’ve gotten a picture!”
After a minute to think about it, I sputtered and then joined the laughter. You gotta laugh about this stuff. It’s so much easier than finding an affordable, non-haunted apartment.
LOL I would have taken that apartment, too. Hazing protection and cheap rent all in one.
ReplyDeleteHi Sonia! He didn't know what he was getting into, but at least he could deal with it.
ReplyDeleteHazing was not a term I was acquainted with, however once looked up I went ah!
ReplyDeleteI think that poltergeist had a great sense of humour just perfect for a college student, and the cheap rent a bonus!
Thanks for the smile ^__^
I think I would also like a haunted apartment if the ghost was on my side!
ReplyDeleteLiked the fantasy element at the end too.
And if I don't catch you later, happy new year :).
I like helpful ghosts, even if they are poltergeists!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to borrow that poltergeist for a few days. A couple of folks I know need to meet him. Well done, Far. That was a good chuckle.
ReplyDeleteYou must have woken from that dream chucking, the axe wielding apparition reminded me of something from Scoobt Doo. Nice idea, I would gladly suffer a poltergeist for a reduction in my mortgage payments.
ReplyDeleteHi all!
ReplyDeleteHelen, there have been several hazing-related deaths in the news over here in the last few months. Do they call it something different there?
Thanks Craig, and Happy New Year to you too!
Icy, I'm not sure the MC considers it "helpful" but at least it fixed the situation! ;-)
Thanks, Boran. Having a poltergeist could have been useful here too, as you well know. :-D
Adam, I was thinking about the right-angle turn. The axe-wielder memory came a little after I woke up. It was a weird dream, for sure.
Friendly ghosts make the best roommates. You never have to worry about them eating all your food or hogging the washing machine.
ReplyDelete*snort* That was cute. Nice one!
I think I stayed somewhere like that when I was a student.. only the big green axe-wielding poltergeist was a real flat-mate .. and he scared away most potential girlfriends ... ho hum..
ReplyDeleteThanks Larry.. a clever story that made me chuckle.
What a nice read - thanks Far! Love the language you used, it was almost in keeping with the student theme - and that poltergeist...well I bet you can get a few more stories outta him :)
ReplyDeleteVery cool story. I like that the poltergeist could project himself as a ax-wielding green giant onto the dude to scare away his would-be bullies. I love the blend of horror and fantasy, and the humor makes it even better!
ReplyDeleteEvening all! Thanks much for the great comments…
ReplyDeleteGanymeder, you just have to worry about them… relocating things. Or adding special ingredients to whatever you're cooking!
Tom, seeing how most relationships turn out, he might have done you a favor! :D
Brainhaze, I hope so. There's more about the poltergeist that can be revealed in another story.
Maria, it was a fun story to write… I could use that projection at work sometimes!
Great story, Larry. Another 13 or so humorously playful horror scenes would surely make this a want-to-read book... *hint*
ReplyDeleteThanks Jaime — and welcome to the free-range insane asylum! I'll see what else shakes out of this setup.
ReplyDeleteHave you read my story about grass-eating zombies?