You know what that means, right? It means I wrote two more.
Now it’s your turn. Below are the three attempts, plus a few candidate loglines. I’d like to include a brief emailed quote from +Craig Smith, but he hasn’t told me it’s okay to use yet. ;-) So… vote for logline a, b, or c, and blurb 1, 2, or 3, based on which one makes you most interested in reading the book, or “none of the above.” Feel free to suggest modifications, or what worked (or didn’t) in each attempt. And thanks much!
Meanwhile, this article on CreateSpace might be helpful for your own blurbification: How to Write an Effective Book Description.
Loglines
a. What is home, when everything has changed?
b. One does not see. One does not trust. Two are torn apart.
c. Infiltrating a nest of rogue sorcerers can be hazardous… to your heart.
1In the service of the Conclave, Mik returns to Lacota with his mentor and fellow apprentice. A hero’s welcome soon strains his relationship with a homesick Sura. After he and Sura are torn apart by a misunderstanding, Mik volunteers for a mission in a distant land. Far from home, his only friend an exotic girl, Mik must learn where his loyalties lie… and the true meaning of home.
2A hero’s homecoming.
A tragic misunderstanding.
A dangerous mission.
In a distant land, sundered from Sura, his only friend an exotic girl, Mik Dragonrider must learn where his loyalties lie, and Sura must learn to trust.
3Mik and Sura are growing ever stronger as apprentice sorcerers, but neither foresaw the strains that living in Mik’s hometown would put on their relationship. Torn apart by misunderstanding, Mik volunteers for a hazardous mission in a distant land. Now Sura must learn to trust, and Mik must learn the true meaning of home.
Maybe you should ask your beta readers their input on the book, how would they describe it - you never know how others "see" what you've written. They have a reader's eye and that could help.
ReplyDeleteAn external opinion might put everything into place. I'd go with a + 2:
What is home, when everything has changed?
A hero’s homecoming.
A tragic misunderstanding.
A dangerous mission.
In a distant land, sundered from Sura, his only friend an exotic girl, Mik Dragonrider must learn where his loyalties lie, and Sura must learn to trust.
Good luck and happy writing!
C and 3 for me, no question of it. C hits the main chords (fantasy! romance!) without sounding like a riddle. 3 does the best job of explaining setting, main characters, and the conflict hook in quick strokes, but without making any assumptions of what the reader's read before.
ReplyDeletec and 1
ReplyDeleteB&3
ReplyDeleteHiya Larry,
ReplyDeleteI guess I'd go c&3. One question though. Is this a modern day or in the past? In 3 when you use the word hometown it makes me think it's in the modern day. Just a question though. ;)
I like Logline C and blurb #2 Although 3 is good too.
ReplyDeleteI've been working on a blurb for my YA and it's a big PITA! Slowly getting there though. Having people rip into it so I can rewrite it.
b and 2
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments, people — keep 'em coming! Details are good, too. For completeness, I'm including votes from Twitter in this comment:
ReplyDelete@LacyLGonzales: B and 3
@1FantasyFanatic: For loglines don't use b, a is the best written but somewhat generic. C applies the most. :)
@Michael_A_Tate: loglines a and b were pretty catchy. I needed a couple passes on 1 and 2: 3 was nice and clear but lacked pop.
Adriana, one of my beta readers weighed in here, and emailed me a suggested rewrite. So I'm getting good feedback, which is what I wanted!
Keep the votes coming, folks — even more so, what influenced your choice…
c), because it's the only one that gives us a tangible idea of the plot. a) and b) could just as easily describe The Great Gatsby.
ReplyDelete3), because it's also the most concrete and sets up some understandable relationships and plot advancement. It's very comprehensible.
C because it is catchy
ReplyDeleteand 2 because I like the "In a distant land..." line. Plus it's sounds like a line from a blockbuster movie trailer :).
I like c and #1. I know loglines are short, but you still need to hint at plot, and the first two could apply to any story. C is much more specific.
ReplyDeleteI actually dislike #2 because it sounds like a movie trailer. So, matter of taste. But #2 is also a bit vague at the beginning, and specificity is usually what grabs people.