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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Happy Horse…

Since I was working at home today, Mrs. Fetched’s mom invited me down to help scarf some leftovers for lunch. DoubleRed was invited too, but decided she wasn’t hungry and stayed at the manor. While I was eating, DoubleRed called my phone and I got dead air when I answered.

“The cell phones don’t work in the house,” Mrs. Fetched said. “Call her on the house phone.”

I had one bar, which on my iPhone is always enough to hold up the call, but the signal fluctuates (as I’ve learned) and could drop out at any given moment. I shrugged and called.

“There’s horses in the yard, eating the flowers,” DoubleRed said.

This has been happening fairly often lately. Big V tries to take care of her horses, but she bit off way more than she could ever hope to chew trying to start a business with it… then her hosing her foot back in January didn’t help matters any. Her other habits, like just dropping her horses in our pasture without asking (indeed, after being told not to do it), don’t help either. But eventually, the horses get hungry and start taking matters into their own hooves… and go off looking for chow on their own.

Of course, Cosmic Law #1 of the free-range insane asylum is: when in doubt, call on FAR Manor. So when I got home from lunch, I was greeted with:

Horses eating the lawn

After pushing one horse (its head, actually) out of a flower bed, it contentedly munched on weeds. With things more or less under control, I called Big V to let her know she would need halters or something. (The darker of the two horses above came to visit on Saturday as well, but was wearing a halter so I simply led it to the path home and it took the hint… no halters on either one this time.) She said she’d stop and grab a couple of leads. Meanwhile, the horses continued to wander around the front yard, munching at random and (mostly) staying clear of the flower beds. DoubleRed came out to watch as well, and did stop an attempted flower bed incursion.

Horse… exhaustThen one of them left us some right-wing talking points.

That didn’t bother me much… for one, I was expecting it. Two, as I live deep in crazy-arse right-wing territory, I’m mostly surrounded by that anyway.

Finally, Big V came up the driveway. She kept the leads behind her back, but the horses were wise to her and started backing up. She gimped forward, in her funky boot, and they continued to shy away. Finally, they went “OK, OK, we got the message,” and took the back way down to Big V’s, with herself in slow pursuit. I did managed to suggest that she stake them in her front yard from time to time, it would cut down on the mowing.

The Hoofdinis were gone, but I’m sure they’ll be back. I’m pretty sure they come up to eat our grass through the night, given all the noise the stupidogs make.


  1. You get gold stars for your patience, Farf. I'm not sure I'd have lasted this long without causing some family member major damage.....

    Maybe they're the answer to your mowing problems, too! :-)

  2. Man ...and the 'burbites bitch if a DOG craps in their yard...;)

    Those do appear to be some lovely animals she has though.

  3. Beth, I've described Big V as "not the most stable isotope on the periodic table" before… sometimes, you have to make allowances. At least she came up & got the horses gone. If they would go over the yard evenly, I'd let her bring a couple up every week to keep things trimmed up!

    Wooly, the burbites don't have a life so they have a manicured yard, right?

  4. I was going to say that she could bring the horses up here to trim my lawn, which, thanks to the month of rain we've had, is thick, lush and tall, but too wet to mow - but I think I'll pass. I'd like it a little more evenly clipped, I think :).

  5. Hey Wendy!

    The horses could do an initial pass, making it much easier to mow the rest, even or not. But watch out for the fertilizer!

  6. Lawn mowing and fertilizing all in one neat package. Now you just need to put a sign across their sides: TFM Lawn Services

  7. Boran, if I knew where Family Man lived, I'd bring him the horses to keep his back yard trimmed down.

  8. Looks like those poor horses could use some food, their ribs shouldn't be visable like that, poor things. Maybe V should think about selling or giving them to someone that will take care of them.

  9. Hi Anon. I agree, they have food security issues. Big V has said she's going to sell them, but it remains to be seen whether she'll follow through.


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