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Thursday, November 01, 2007

FAR Future, Episode 12

Friday, November 9, 2012
Election Rejection, What’s Your Secession

I’m shocked. Completely shocked.


The 99 goplets left in the House are already calling themselves the “99 Percent’ers,” as if they’re fooling anyone. Then again, it worked for the Bolsheviks (“majority”) in 1918, when they were actually the minority. Not that I think it will work for them now. The Senate is in slightly better (for the wingies) shape, with 32 goplets left there… but they’re still working on a catchy name, I guess.

But if Wyoming and Idaho get their way, the 99 Percent’ers will lose a few members right away. The state legislatures must have had this “Petition for Dissolution” all planned ahead of time, because they were submitting it to Congress first thing yesterday morning. Smarmy SOBs anyway, blithering about how the federal government has abandoned them and irreconcilable differences and all that hoo-hah. It’s not exactly a united front on the Wrong Right — not even all the congresscritters in the affected states are on board, but some of the talk radio goobers are making it sound like the Second Coming. The Dems are similarly conflicted… some think cutting Idaho and Wyoming loose would help the budget (more tax dollars go in than come out), others don’t like the precedent. But it may come down to a matter of energy, like everything else does these days. Wyoming has some resources that the US can’t afford to just let go, and I guess both states have missile silos.

The prez’s press secretary suggests that it’s a ploy to get the feds negotiating for something or another, perhaps more reps in the House or more funding for this or that, but somehow I don’t think that’s the goal here. I really think they want to secede and create their own right-wing mountain paradise.

Rumors are flying everywhere: the prez has deployed the National Guard to seize control of coal mines in Wyoming and are positioning to “defend” the offshore platforms; southern governors are having a powwow to discuss “events of the last few days”… all of which have been officially denied, but you know how that goes, denials are just more fuel on the fire.

Scan of secessionist flyerSo I wrote all that because it provides the context for something that really has me spooked. Our allocations came in for the week, and I stopped on the way to work to top up. Someone had taped a stack of these flyers to the gas pump. The scan will be pretty hard to read, so here’s the text (misspellings left intact):

Calling all who LOVE FREEDOM


In these troubled times, we mourn the GREVIOUS LOSS of our AMERICAN FREEDOMES, as “our” government has SYSTEMATICALY REMOVED our INALIENABLE RIGHTS and LIBERTIES!

THEREFORE, we call upon ALL GOOD SONS OF THE SOUTH to support the RIGHTOUS WORK of our STATE LEGISLATURE as they debate the MERITS of SUCCESSION from these formerly United States.

On SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 18TH, we ask all ABLE-BODYED MEN to TAKE UP ARMS, meet at the Courthouse by 6 a.m., and MARCH TO ATLANTA to LEND OUR SUPPORT to our TRUE REPRESENATIVES in the Capital!

Please bring sufficient FOOD, WATER, and BEDDING for the march! We shall join with LIKE-MINDED MEN along the way and form the GEORGIA CITIZENS MILITIA to REPEL ALL ATTACKS AGANST OUR SOVERIN GOVERMENT!

If you are unable to march, but wish to LEND YOUR AID, we will have limited TRANSPORTATION on Monday afternoon.

I hope these guys are blowing hot air. Wait: actually, I hope these guys raise an army of about 30 people and half of them “desert” on the march to Atlanta. You’ll know something more as soon as I do.



  1. Jesus! FAR, you're too good at this. You're scaring me. It reads so true -- you can't REALLY see the future, can you?

  2. Whew. Me too. I mean, I can see the financial advantages -- but it doesn't seem worth it in the long run.

  3. Hey Far! Ha! ha! I see petitions such as this from time to time here in the U.P.!! Mostly coming from those mindless hillbillies camping out on the back forty! ha!

    On a more serious note, I can easliy invision a break from the lower, once the State's tax base has eroded to the point there's few dollars coming up here. Land of Superior? Suppose you remember this...

    Maybe all these wealthy new neigbors we're getting up here, is'nt such a bad thing after all....

    Thanks, yooper

  4. Hiya FAR.

    I hope it doesn't come, but there are still too many people down here that are up in the air over the war of northern aggression. :)

    My Great Aunt used to tell the story of when she went to Columbia University to get her doctorate. She said classmates would give her a hard time about her accent. She told them it wasn't until she was 10 that she found out that the word yankee wasn't proceeded by damned. That's all she ever heard her father say.

  5. KB, I have to agree. Some stuff, I think we're not meant to see… and that would be the stuff one would most want to peek at.

    Yooper, yes I remember Superior. I also had a tape from a band who shared your name (Da Yoopers) where one of the tracks was about becoming a third world country and asking the US for aid. :-) Get the Sec. of State hooked on pasties, though, and you could have anything you wanted. (Dang I miss a good pasty.)

    Hi FM. Even in this rural area, the north/south divide thing has mellowed out quite a bit in the last 20-odd years. But the Bosnia/Serbia thing was thought resolved for twice that long, and it only took one small group of power-hungry SOBs to spin that out of control. I'm pretty sure I know how this is going to turn out, at least in the story, and I'll probably include at least some of the suggestions from over at Nancy's.

    When Daughter Dearest was little, my rels in Michigan loved to hear her talk… but The Boy never developed much of an accent. I personally think "y'all" is a useful addition to the language and use it w/o self-consciousness.

  6. Hey family man, I would'nt worry too much about northern agression this time around...We finally learned the word,"wet-back", and have come around to the South's line of thinking! ha! ha!

    Cheers, yooper.

  7. Ummm Far, maybe you better explain to your readers, what a pasty is...ha! ha! They may be getting the wronge idea...

    Damned Yankee, yooper

  8. Hey Yooper, I think we've talked about pasties before. FM has been just about everywhere; I wouldn't put it past him to have eaten one or two.

    Somewhere around here, I have a hat that says "Hell Yes I'm a Damn Yankee," complete with a drawing of a guy carrying a carpetbag. I've gotten a few grins when wearing it in public.


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